Do I really have what it takes to be a graphic designer? Sometimes I worry I won't be able to make it in the real world. Is being a graphic designer right for me? I mean, yeah, I do love creating something visual. And recently I've been inspired by typography. I didn't realize things like visual poetry exist. The thought never occurred to me. And it's really cool, I have to try it sometime.

But anyway, there are just times when I get so overwhelmed with worry and stress over the stupidest things that cause me to question if graphic design is really right for me. Today, for example, in graphic design II, we're going to be designing a brochure/poster/etc for this guy who is creating a digital timer. I mean, this is not just a class assignment...it's a real job. Luckily, the guy was really nice and he didn't give us any restrictions on what he wants (because basically, he doesn't know what he wants). And this is the ideal job, this is the job everyone hopes to have. Because sometimes, you just end up working for sometime who is a complete jerk who only wants things done in one way. And this is something that will be amazing for a resume/portfolio. So I shouldn't be complaining. We're most likely going to end up making the packaging as well. Anyway, I just got upset at how I handled myself today. I freak out just talking to someone. I couldn't think of any ideas and other people were, and the whole class was just talking to the guy asking him questions, and I didn't know what to say or what to ask. One of my classmates already drew up a picture of what the timer will look like (the guy brought in sketches and so my classmate drew it in like 10 minutes on Photoshop, something that would probably take me hours). Thank god this is actually a group project. And everyone in my class is nice and very supportive. This whole thing is the ideal situation....but I can't help falling apart over the mere thought of the project.

And we have another project in that class that's due by the end of the semester, and I'm really freaking out over that one as well. It's a big project as well and will require me to present it in front of the class...like a real presentation, not just the normal critiques we have.

And then of course, I have projects in my other classes. Though it's only one that I feel really pressured to do well on. Yep, the story series for illustration. The other project I have is in typography, but it's something I can kinda bs my way through without really thinking about it. Though knowing me, I'll still drive myself crazy over it.

I just can never get excited about a project. That's the thing that worries me. I don't know if it's just a me thing, because I am a worrier by nature. But it seems I worry the most when it comes to graphic design. And there seems to be a millions reasons why. I think I'm at least somewhat talented/skilled. But sometimes I feel that's not good enough, like I often feel like I have to be better than everyone else (I know, I know, it's horrible). I feel like I have to work extra hard on something because I think these things don't come naturally to me. Would I be happier doing something that I feel comes more naturally to me? Are things supposed to come naturally? It just seems like art/graphic design is the only thing I'm at least somewhat good at. There really isn't anything else I can do. I'm not particularly exceptional.

Alright, that's the end of my emo whining for today, I had to let all of that out.